About Me
Well as you can see two things have been constant in my life.
1) Love of Pirates (see skull n cross bones on crash lid opposite)
2) Love of motorbikes
Why do such a trip you ask, well 3 reasons actually
1) Read the Home page story
2) Read the story below
3) what better way to see the world and meet all the different people, while having the ride of your life!!
1) Love of Pirates (see skull n cross bones on crash lid opposite)
2) Love of motorbikes
Why do such a trip you ask, well 3 reasons actually
1) Read the Home page story
2) Read the story below
3) what better way to see the world and meet all the different people, while having the ride of your life!!
I emigrated to Australia in March 2002 and did not go to the beach until 10 months later... How English am I ...!!!
I did not realize that you did NOT have to wear 3 layers of clothing to go to the beach or that there was sand let alone white sand, the sea is colored blue and that the sea temp actual rose above 6 degrees, nor had I experienced 40c sun and heat or that ladies wore bikinis (phwoarrr) at the beach!!
NEVER CAME ACROSS THIS BACK IN OLD BLIGHTY!!!!
So in a flurry of over excitement, I did what any self defecating Brit would do and stripped down to my hairy pommie white arse and with my arms out stretched I ran down the beach to the sea!!
It was about half way down the beach that I realized the soles of my feet were being burnt by the scorching hot white sand Ouch Ouch Ouch !!!
The second half of the beach was covered in Olympic record time doing a hop skip and goose stepping riverdance, butt naked into the sea....... AAARRGGHH Bliss....
I bolicked naked in the sea for about 10 mins jumping over the little waves and diving into the big ones, when suddenly I had an apoofinmie..... I was the only one butt naked!!!!!
I needed to think so I crouched down in the water,like when the kids take a pee in the sea, anyway, so as not to expose myself any more than I already had in the shallow water, while I tried to work out how I was going to get out of the sea??
The waves that were crashing against the beach had a strong under current on their return, that tried to suck your legs out from under you , which will make getting out in a hurry, without attracting attention , rather difficult!!
Not forgetting my other testicle, the burning hot sands!!!!!
Suddenly none of this mattered!!!!
I was savagely stung by some unknown sea monster from the depths, right in the wigglies!!!
I doubled over in pain, my head now under water I gasped for breath, only to swallow a mouthful of water!!!
At this precise moment I was brutally stung again across my quite delicate tight but hairy buns, which had the opposite effect of the first strike, straightening me up, my head coming out of the water, like a whale coming up for air, a great plume of water spurted from my mouth, followed by an earsplitting EEEEAAAARRGGHHH!!!!!
I now lost all control of my bodily functions , as my legs set off for the beach with the rest of me desperately trying to catch up,in a combined MR Bean - Jack Sparrow - ostrich running style at an Olympic speed, my arms flapping, my head back shrieking wildly, like the Wailing ladies from the Middle East, I launched out of the sea and on to the beach.
However, in reaction to the scorching sands now burning my feet, my legs suddenly changed tactics from an Olympic paced charge to a Red Indian war dance!!!
Unfortunately the momentum of my body and head trying to catch my legs whip lashed me head over heals, matrix style, and I landed on me arse.
As the scorching sands now ground in and burnt the wounds on my hairy arse, I sat there momentarily in shock, as the pain worked it's way from my arse to my brain and finally registering on my tiny brain cell, 1 minute later with the force of an exploding crisp packet!
My Body lept from the ground, like a Ninja, with an unearthly sound emanating from deep within my being exiting my mouth, with the roar of a Hippo suffering from Hippo sized Hemorrhoids, having a Hippo sized crap!!!
My hands clasped my quite delicate tight but hairy buns, my eyes wide open almost popping out of my sockets, as my head was flung backwards, looking straight into the midday sun, instantly burning my eyes, temporarily blinding me, I blindly lurched forward until I tripped over something?
Then all was quiet, as my head was wedged into a crevice where the walls were all warm and soft, and there was a faint aromatic smell of lavender & olive oil, along with the stifled sounds of an woman shouting in Italian.
Suddenly I was pulled from this sanctuary, and as my eyes re focused I was face to face with a rather large Italian woman, in a flowery bikini, shouting angrily at me, but unfortunately I was now deaf due to the pressure on me ears, caused by her ENORMOUS BOSOM, when my head was wedged in her cleavage, as mentioned earlier!!
The lady now began to beat me about the head with her hand bag, in a daze I thought, what on earth do they carry in these huge hand bags, at which point I passed out!!!
I awoke in a hospital ward, and discovered that my arse was was in a sling and me JOHNSON was in a metal splint with a bandage on top, it reminded me of the Eiffel tower, but with a turban on top!!
I now made a solemn promise that when I get out of here I will do everything possible to get my round the world trip happening, because I figured it has GOT to be safer this!!!
HO HO me Hearties,
I bid thee farewell
LARGE....
I did not realize that you did NOT have to wear 3 layers of clothing to go to the beach or that there was sand let alone white sand, the sea is colored blue and that the sea temp actual rose above 6 degrees, nor had I experienced 40c sun and heat or that ladies wore bikinis (phwoarrr) at the beach!!
NEVER CAME ACROSS THIS BACK IN OLD BLIGHTY!!!!
So in a flurry of over excitement, I did what any self defecating Brit would do and stripped down to my hairy pommie white arse and with my arms out stretched I ran down the beach to the sea!!
It was about half way down the beach that I realized the soles of my feet were being burnt by the scorching hot white sand Ouch Ouch Ouch !!!
The second half of the beach was covered in Olympic record time doing a hop skip and goose stepping riverdance, butt naked into the sea....... AAARRGGHH Bliss....
I bolicked naked in the sea for about 10 mins jumping over the little waves and diving into the big ones, when suddenly I had an apoofinmie..... I was the only one butt naked!!!!!
I needed to think so I crouched down in the water,like when the kids take a pee in the sea, anyway, so as not to expose myself any more than I already had in the shallow water, while I tried to work out how I was going to get out of the sea??
The waves that were crashing against the beach had a strong under current on their return, that tried to suck your legs out from under you , which will make getting out in a hurry, without attracting attention , rather difficult!!
Not forgetting my other testicle, the burning hot sands!!!!!
Suddenly none of this mattered!!!!
I was savagely stung by some unknown sea monster from the depths, right in the wigglies!!!
I doubled over in pain, my head now under water I gasped for breath, only to swallow a mouthful of water!!!
At this precise moment I was brutally stung again across my quite delicate tight but hairy buns, which had the opposite effect of the first strike, straightening me up, my head coming out of the water, like a whale coming up for air, a great plume of water spurted from my mouth, followed by an earsplitting EEEEAAAARRGGHHH!!!!!
I now lost all control of my bodily functions , as my legs set off for the beach with the rest of me desperately trying to catch up,in a combined MR Bean - Jack Sparrow - ostrich running style at an Olympic speed, my arms flapping, my head back shrieking wildly, like the Wailing ladies from the Middle East, I launched out of the sea and on to the beach.
However, in reaction to the scorching sands now burning my feet, my legs suddenly changed tactics from an Olympic paced charge to a Red Indian war dance!!!
Unfortunately the momentum of my body and head trying to catch my legs whip lashed me head over heals, matrix style, and I landed on me arse.
As the scorching sands now ground in and burnt the wounds on my hairy arse, I sat there momentarily in shock, as the pain worked it's way from my arse to my brain and finally registering on my tiny brain cell, 1 minute later with the force of an exploding crisp packet!
My Body lept from the ground, like a Ninja, with an unearthly sound emanating from deep within my being exiting my mouth, with the roar of a Hippo suffering from Hippo sized Hemorrhoids, having a Hippo sized crap!!!
My hands clasped my quite delicate tight but hairy buns, my eyes wide open almost popping out of my sockets, as my head was flung backwards, looking straight into the midday sun, instantly burning my eyes, temporarily blinding me, I blindly lurched forward until I tripped over something?
Then all was quiet, as my head was wedged into a crevice where the walls were all warm and soft, and there was a faint aromatic smell of lavender & olive oil, along with the stifled sounds of an woman shouting in Italian.
Suddenly I was pulled from this sanctuary, and as my eyes re focused I was face to face with a rather large Italian woman, in a flowery bikini, shouting angrily at me, but unfortunately I was now deaf due to the pressure on me ears, caused by her ENORMOUS BOSOM, when my head was wedged in her cleavage, as mentioned earlier!!
The lady now began to beat me about the head with her hand bag, in a daze I thought, what on earth do they carry in these huge hand bags, at which point I passed out!!!
I awoke in a hospital ward, and discovered that my arse was was in a sling and me JOHNSON was in a metal splint with a bandage on top, it reminded me of the Eiffel tower, but with a turban on top!!
I now made a solemn promise that when I get out of here I will do everything possible to get my round the world trip happening, because I figured it has GOT to be safer this!!!
HO HO me Hearties,
I bid thee farewell
LARGE....
